ASAP URGENT PARAGRAPH EC!

The last time we did the five point paragraph, I had tons to work on. When my paragraph was critiqued, I was graded down because my language was not precise, my thesis was written well, missed a transition, and proofreading my paper. I am truly confident that my thesis proves something what I am writing about. Our class had revised and edited many times with our thesis's, so I think overall our class have great topic sentence that proves something. My writing style was graded down because I was too vague explaining points in my paragraph. I've worked with my point sentences and tried to be as descriptive as possible. I tried different transitions and worked them in, the transitions I have picked are usually ones that aren't chosen very often. My paper has grammar mistakes and I had switching tenses, as in, I started out with present tense then the next sentence was past tense. I had trouble with my last paper because I couldn't decide between certain words to put in my paper. My paper has been proof read by other people including myself, I think I have improved these specific skills in my current five point paragraph paper.