I don't know if either of you guys got my paper from Mrs. Gilman and i couldn't have seen the corrections you may or may not have made. so here is my paragraph, I've made a few adjustments on my commentaries from my first draft paragraph. I stuck with the concrete details we found together. Please let me know what you think about my paragraph, I know i need definite work on my conclusion and commentaries.
My Paragraph:
Jack and Gwendolyn are suitable as a couple for each other in society, that’s why they are in a relationship. Whenever this relationship focuses on the interests on what they want, “The moment Algernon first mentioned to me that he had a friend called Ernest, I knew I was destined to love you.” (20) Gwendolyn wants the personality trait, being earnest, to match with Jack’s honor and respectability when he is in the town. Jack wants to be loved by Gwendolyn, when he pretends Ernest is his name; Gwendolyn feels the romantic bond more when his name is Jack. In addition, during the marriage proposal there are expectations from Gwendolyn and Jack. Gwendolyn feels there should be a correct proper way to do everything; it is expressed during the marriage proposal. The couple doesn’t want choices, they want decisions based on what they think is the right way. However, when there is a stirring conversation, the couple talks in epigrams such as, “If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.”(89) The epigram used by Gwendolyn represents the way she talks, her phrases contradict each other. If Jack took a longer time than he insisted on, Gwendolyn wouldn’t wait at all. Therefore, Jack and Gwendolyn’s relationship is based off the image of what the society sees.
I dont' really know how much the topic sentence has to do with our thesis. Your paragraph comes first so you dont have to transition from someone else's paragraph. I think your topic needs to do more with how they talk and act rather than what they are based off of. The middle all looks good though!
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